INDIANAPOLIS — Lydia Jacoby looked up in amazement. Just 0.27 seconds separated her from second-place swimmer Emma Weber in the women's 100 breaststroke final, yet the two seemed two continents apart.
Veteran swimmers often say that the U.S. Olympic Trials are the toughest swimming meets in the world, even tougher than the Olympics themselves. In some events, the third-fastest swimmer in the U.S. may also be the third-best swimmer in the world. But only the top two make the U.S. team.
This slight difference sets the biggest stakes: success or failure, all or nothing.
And Jacoby ended up getting nothing, just three years after shocking herself and the world by winning gold in the same event in Tokyo. On Tuesday morning, she announced she would not compete in the 200 breaststroke, meaning her competition was over. The 20-year-old will not be going to Paris.
“I'm feeling weirdly fine,” Jacoby said Tuesday. “It's still not really sinking in. I definitely cried a little bit last night, but I'm feeling pretty good today. I think I'll have plenty of time over the next few weeks to process my emotions and then I'll start planning some fun things I'm looking forward to this summer.”
Two-time gold medalist Lilly King, who won gold in this event in Rio de Janeiro, took first place on Monday night in 1 minute, 5.43 seconds. Webber's second-place finish was a shock, the biggest upset of the Games so far. King swam over to embrace Jacoby after congratulating Webber.
“I'm just heartbroken for her,” King said, “but on the other hand, Emma Weber's performance was amazing. That's what this tournament is like. It can make or break your career in an instant. It can be career-ending in an instant. It's the toughest tournament in the world. In my opinion, it's tougher than the Olympics.”
“I hope she moves forward from this and I'm always rooting for her.”
In recent months, Jacoby has opened up about the severe depression she experienced after winning gold in Tokyo. It felt like everyone wanted to have a relationship with her, and she couldn't say no. She didn't know who around her genuinely cared about her well-being and who just wanted to have a relationship with a gold medalist. At home in Alaska, she found herself not wanting to leave her bed for days or weeks.
“I felt like my identity was boxed in by my sport,” Jacoby said Tuesday. “The most important thing for me these days is (remembering) that being a swimmer is what I do. Swimming is not who I am. I have a lot of interests and passions. I have great friends and family outside of sports. Remembering that is big for me.”
“A lot of people outside of the sporting world look at this and think that this is everything. It's important for people to understand that, yes, this is what I'm doing and I put a lot of effort into this. Of course, I put a lot of emotion into this and it's pretty devastating, but at the end of the day, this isn't going to change my life.”
Lydia Jacoby and Lily King embrace after the 100-meter breaststroke final at the U.S. Olympic Trials. Jacoby, a gold medalist in Tokyo, did not qualify for Paris. (Maddie Meyer/Getty Images)
Jacoby said he seriously considered quitting swimming after Tokyo and had even considered whether to compete at the trials over the past year, but is glad he stuck with it and was able to swim here despite the disappointing result.
Jacoby said she was frustrated with her performance here at Lucas Oil Stadium. Her time of 1 minute 6.37 seconds was more than a second slower than her time at the 2021 Olympic Trials. She had been training well and was disappointed that her results on Monday did not reflect the efforts she had put in going into the meet. Jacoby said all of her training to date has been focused on the 100 breaststroke and she had planned to miss the 200.
“I feel like I didn't swim to the best of my ability, and that's what's most frustrating for me,” Jacoby said.
She said her reason for taking a break from swimming was to “improve myself in life outside of swimming and get back into it in a way that's healthy for me.” She doesn't think she's quit swimming completely, or that swimming has left her.
But that's a long-term thing. For now, Jacoby isn't sure if he'll watch next month's event on television, not sure if he can bear the thought of watching his friend and former teammate don the red, white and blue from home on the wrong continent.
“I feel like I still haven't accepted the fact that I'm not going to swim there,” Jacoby said. “Honestly, I'm not sure if I want to watch me compete. I haven't really thought about it that much. But the people that are going to be on the team – like, I was crying tears of joy last week for all my friends that were on the team – so I'm really looking forward to seeing everyone do great in Paris.”
“It will certainly be tough for me not to be there, but I wish them all the best.”
Going deeper
Regan Smith reclaims world record in women's 100m backstroke at Olympic Trials
(Top photo: Maddie Meyer/Getty Images)
