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WARNING: This article contains details that some readers may find disturbing.
Competing in the Olympics should be a career highlight for any athlete, but for hockey player Laura Roper, this summer's games will be filled with mixed emotions.
In January, Roper found out she was pregnant – unplanned and just seven months before the Paris 2024 Games – to her complete dismay.
She found out she was pregnant the day she and her team were scheduled to fly to Spain for the Olympic qualifying tournament, what was meant to be her most important match in the last three years.
“It was a bit of a shock, to say the least,” she said. “My husband was already at work so I couldn't see him. It was mind-blowing.”
After being reassured by doctors that it was safe to compete, Roper travelled to Valencia to help Great Britain qualify for yet another Olympic Games, but kept her pregnancy news a secret from her teammates.
“After the final, I was in tears,” she said.
“Everyone thought it would be the emotion of qualifying for the Olympics, but it was all that happened in a two-week trip. I also realized this might be the last time I play hockey.”
She then took a break from hockey, planning to retire after the baby was born, but sadly suffered a miscarriage.
“It was the toughest period of my 16-year career,” the midfielder said in an exclusive interview with BBC Sport.
“Unless you've experienced it yourself, you don't realize how traumatic it can be.”
Roper suffered a miscarriage when she was nine weeks pregnant and said it was hard to comprehend the speed at which it happened.
“I actually had a checkup that day and everything was fine, but then that evening I had some stomach pains and I was bleeding,” she explains.
“Then all of a sudden you realise this isn’t normal.
“That morning everything was fine, we could see the heartbeat, and then the minute they snapped their fingers, the baby stopped growing. That was hard to accept.”
The NHS estimates that one in eight pregnancies end in miscarriage, and Roper says the medical procedures she had to undergo after her miscarriage were unexpected. She chose to share her story to help other athletes in a similar situation.
“No one talks about the experience or what it actually entails, so it feels very isolating. Elite athletes are used to being in control of every aspect of their bodies, and suddenly your body and hormones are out of whack. It was very raw.”
“I was really honest with my team and felt it was important to share everything because you don’t realise how common miscarriage is until you’ve experienced it.
“I don't want that to happen to anyone else, but if it does happen, I want them to come to me, so now I feel safe talking about it.”
After the ordeal, Roper said she couldn't face the idea of playing hockey again, but after consulting with a psychologist and taking time to process her loss, she is determined to return to the sport she loves and compete for a spot on the Olympic team this summer.
“It literally felt like I was starting from scratch, and there were times when I was running where I thought, I don't know if I can do this,” she said.
“It's been a difficult time on all fronts.”
Roper praised the support he received from GB Hockey, head coach David Ralph and his teammates, saying: “They were with me the whole time and kept encouraging me.”
The 36-year-old Roper is already Great Britain's most decorated hockey player, having won bronze medals at the 2012 and 2020 Olympic Games and an unforgettable gold medal in Rio in 2016. An experienced player with 350 international caps, Roper heads to Paris hoping to win a fourth Olympic medal.
“Every Olympics is so special and I know the road to winning a medal will be tough and long,” Roper said of the possibility of concluding her Olympic career with another medal.
“We don't want to get ahead of ourselves, but it's incredible. It's a dream come true.”
Medals or no medals, Roper will retire after the Paris Games and retire after 16 years of competitive swimming. End your career.
“Hopefully after the Olympics I'll be lucky enough to have a family.”
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