words “everything happens for a reason” I've been thinking about this a lot lately. Why do certain things have to happen in life for us to learn and, above all, grow? For me, this fight was one such situation. Unfortunately, it didn't go my way. I think I fought well and it could have gone either way, but in the end, my opponent was better that night and I came out victorious. In this article, I'd like to share three points about how this loss influenced and changed my perspective on martial arts and my journey in life, and what I learned from it.
1. You have to make sacrifices.
At fight camp, I began to realize the enormous sacrifices these up-and-coming fighters make as they train relentlessly with the dream of one day becoming a professional athlete. It's a life not for the faint of heart, and while many may talk about one day stepping into the ring, only a select few have the courage to do it, let alone compete on the world stage at an elite level.
I remember coming across a video of Ben Whittaker, the boxing phenom who recently made headlines for his exceptionally playful performance against his opponent Khalid Ghuraidiya. Ben was asked what sacrifices he had made to get to where he is today and his answer really made me feel bad for him.
Ben told me about the time he was abroad at a martial arts camp. Unfortunately, during that time, his grandmother passed away. He was asked to come back to attend her funeral, but he declined the offer, saying it would be wiser to continue training. He visibly broke down in tears when he explained this during the interview. Some might say he made the wrong choice. After all, family is very important to most people. But I would like to know how many people are prepared to make such huge sacrifices in their daily lives.
We live in an age where self-importance and outsized self-esteem is rampant, especially among the younger generation. Your thoughts and opinions must be heard and accepted by everyone else. While I was training for a fight, all the noise of the world quickly faded away. It all became so immediate with the reality of another guy trying to knock me out and the sacrifices I had to make. Spending time with friends and family, like everything else, took a back seat.
These sacrifices were hard to make at the time, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I learned that to be great, you have to sacrifice yourself. It's a matter of how badly you want it, and I wanted to win at all costs.
2. Don't be too hard on yourself.
I hate losing. Nobody likes to lose. So when my opponent raised his hand in my place, it was very hard on me. For weeks I thought about what I could have done to win while preparing for the fight and in the ring. This self-sabotaging thinking became unbearable. As it is, I am already my own harshest critic, but this was too much. My confidence as an amateur fighter quickly evaporated. I was my own worst enemy.
My good friend Mason Kinsella, a very talented amateur mixed martial artist, talked about this in a recent interview: It's good to be a little self-critical. That's what makes fighters, and athletes in general, so great – they're always trying to get better. But to always belittle yourself, not evaluate yourself, and doubt your performance even when it looks like you're doing well or trying your best, is very dangerous.
I think a lot of athletes, even non-MMA athletes, have to learn that in this game, you have to be your own best friend. As Mason said, “Talk to yourself the same way you talk to other people.” I realized this while dealing with loss: Be kind to yourself. No one cares about you as much as you do.
3. You will always lose in life, so get used to it.
Life is no joke. Life will hit you harder than you've ever experienced before and then some. Unfortunately, there will be a lot of losses too. That's life. I wish I could say there are more wins than miserable losses, but no, I'd be lying if I said that. The trick I've learned, no pun intended, is to take the hits and accept that sometimes you're not going to get all the wins.
It is always embarrassing to see a fighter take a loss badly, become rebellious and sometimes show no respect for his opponent. Nobody wants to be that type of athlete. You can avoid this anger trap only if you accept the loss, learn from it and come back even stronger.
I want to revisit the question I posed at the beginning of this article: Why do certain events have to happen in order for us to learn and grow in life? Because in this scenario, if I hadn't lost, I would have missed the opportunity to learn these lessons and become not only a better fighter, but also a better person. If you are reading this article and you are going through a difficult time in your life, know that learning from your current situation will help you take your life to the next level and enable you to look back and say, “everything happens for a reason.”
