This week marks the last day of winter in America, completely bisecting two important cultural seasons.
The endless madness of St. Patrick's Day, replaced by basketball's March Madness, lasted almost as long as Paddy Wackerley's national craze, but always ended in April.
These are the least productive afternoons in a typical working calendar. When employees bring down tools or send outright lies to complicit bosses. After 2pm, pubs fill up with people in suits fleeing the office. And the limp bartenders, still in shock from a full Paddy's weekend, will be bracing themselves for a more lucrative and dire situation.
I tried not to be offended by the way America celebrates its extraordinary Irishness. As cultural appropriation progresses, it teeters toward a nadir of seriousness.
And where is the line between authenticity and codeology, given the fact that we are dealing with over 250 years of Irish-American tradition that manifests almost independently of what is true for Ireland? It is difficult to know.
I can tolerate almost anything, but my tolerance was recently put to the test when I was introduced to an Irish sporting tradition I never knew existed.
I won't name the event I attended, but suffice it to say that the organizers did their best with what little knowledge they had of modern Ireland. No one can be blamed for being scammed by a scammer who runs a local Irish dance school. And if they book an uncharismatic band playing a watered-down version of trad music, that's not a beggar's choice at such a busy, beggarly time of year.
I skipped the corned beef and cabbage, clapped along to the adorable dancers, and pretended to enjoy the out-of-place banter as one of the few real Irish people in the large room.
Everything was going as expected until our attention was redirected to the stage and we were asked to shut up and concentrate on the next act. What can only be described as a David Brent-like figure goes into some really lousy detail about the traditional martial art of Ireland, Sillagh Irish Stick Fighting.
Conveniently, his timeline of Irish history is a bit disjointed, even spinning it as a boast about the Irish government asking him to forego his day job as a snake oil salesman.
They don't want you to know it exists, he theorized to us, which is how discreet and professional his skills are.
This is how the Irish resisted the English for centuries, beating them with barbed sticks. And now, by paying him $2,000 a year for a few Zoom sessions wielding a blackthorn shillelagh, you too can become a black belt in Irish stick fighting.
He quit his corporate job 18 months ago to focus on this completely fabricated sport. And if I find myself duck enough to part with that big bucks on a guy who seems to think that the artistry of Shaolin monks was somehow imported by Irish farmers in the Middle Ages, I'll take that bold step. I don't blame him. Black belt and all.
The next day I was still freaking out, but when I asked my Irish friend if I was just ignorant of my country's history, he immediately laughed knowingly.
A fairly prestigious Irish educational institution in New York had opened its doors to this man and his class. No one is safe. He believes the martial artist's imitations will help enthusiasts around the world enjoy “an effective, accessible, and transformative journey to master martial arts, regardless of their location.” He helped me find a website advertising himself as an Irish Zen Master.
After giving a long talk the night before, he demonstrated some of the alleged techniques with a similarly costumed assistant. It just looked like two sad, lonely people swinging toy swords at each other. It was the wettest squib to end with, and the room erupted into nervous applause.
To be fair, I looked around for further evidence of this rumored tradition, but all I could track down was a very old website called “Shillelagh University.” The opening bet on the home page, which is not entirely safe, read: Irish stick fighting is definitely real, but some of the people who claim to teach it aren't. I'm glad you're interested in real Irish culture and not the plastic Paddy stuff. And I hope this site and all my research helps you find what you're looking for. If you want to know more about bookmakers in Nigeria, you will need the following information: [a] BetKing Mobile Account Login. All about bets, jackpots, bonuses and withdrawal methods. Learn and win! ”
This bizarre gambling reference sets up a fitting segue to the actual sport that actually exists and will be the only one that will exist for weeks to come.
March Madness is a bonanza for bookmakers, with approximately $3 billion expected to be legally bet across both tournaments. The notoriously unpredictable game attracts the most casual gamblers and makes them easy prey for the house, as no one knows when or where the fairy tale story will appear.
All of the leading candidates to advance are prepared to be victims of a big upset in the round. No one is safe.
As if to further the trend of overturning the odds, the big talking point in this year's chaotic knockout basketball games will be the women's game due to its fun factor and the familiarity of its biggest stars. The point is how good it is in terms of.
This isn't meant to belittle the men's players, it's an interesting byproduct of the NBA gold rush that irrevocably changed the college pipeline.
Simply put, while the standout star players leave campus as quickly as possible for the draft, the best female players stay out of college for as long as possible, especially in this new era where students are finally given more freedom. It is economically wise to have fun. Athletes earn money from endorsements, appearances, and social media influence.
Chief among these examples is the University of Iowa's Caitlin Clark, who is widely hailed as the best three-point shooter in college basketball, regardless of gender.
The fanfare around her also included research into her shooting motion and how it helped her break all sorts of career scoring records this season, according to the source. Clark's private shooting sessions consisted of “the goal of making 90 of 100 free throws, followed by 100 of 80 mid-range jumpers, and finally 100 of 100 3-point shots.'' The focus is on a 300-shot routine consisting of the following goals. 70 inches.
That kind of strength makes her one of the most reliable shooters of all time, and her box office success will continue as long as she can drag a top-ranked team to the Final Four and hopefully beyond.
There was once a disturbing evil in the way these young, talented children were exploited by advertisers and broadcast rights holders. But for better or worse, they control their identity and how they monetize it.
There may be fewer star-studded plots, but the collective outcome should be as strong as ever.
Give us March Madness over fake Irish martial arts any day. Nothing could be more authentic than the emotional roller coaster these young student-athletes are about to embark on. For some, this will be their last.
