It's time.
I am not President of Boston Celtics Nation, nor am I judge, jury or executioner. There are few who claim these titles, but they boast as much support as Jean d'Orléans has on the French throne today.
(In case you're curious, there is literally a man claiming to the French throne in 2024, more than 200 years after his great-great-uncle Louis XVI was beheaded during the French Revolution. There are actually four men with claims to the throne, proving that European politics are the most entertaining thing ever.)
That's because the Celts bear no resemblance to the extinct French monarchy. We have no golden palaces or luxurious silk robes, no inheritance claims from gods or ancestors, and certainly no vast colonial empires making lucrative fur deals with local inhabitants. Oh well, I've digressed. No more French Revolution metaphors for the rest of this article, I promise.
What were we talking about? Ah, right, it's about time. It's actually the 2024 NBA Finals, and the Celtics are playing the Dallas Mavericks, the NBA version of Maximillian Robespe. Oh, sorry. They're the Mavericks. A really good basketball team.
I'm really looking forward to this series starting. This isn't the culmination of the playoffs or the season or everyone's favorite cliché, “Everything that happened after the final buzzer sounded in Game 7 of the 2023 Eastern Conference Finals.” Sure, maybe it's not everyone's favorite cliché, but it's none of that.
This is the culmination of everything since the final buzzer sounded in Game 7. 2022 Eastern Conference Finals. You're probably thinking, “Oh man, the Celtics won that game and then played a six-game finals series. How on earth was that going to be the defining moment of an era leading up to this series?”
Well, let me tell you. When the Celtics made it to the 2022 NBA Finals, I said to my sister, who was sitting next to me at the time, “We did it! We really did it!” It felt like the Celtics had finally made it past the third round for the first time in my life. And, essentially, that was my whole life. Because the last time the Celtics made it past the third round, I was seven years old.
The mental goal was for this group to overcome obstacles, push past limitations and reach new heights, and as soon as the buzzer rang, they did just that.
Some will say the goal was always to win the Finals, but let's be honest: There was no real “win or lose” until that buzzer rang. We all needed proof that the Celtics could actually win the East before embarking on the all-or-nothing chase that has defined the past two years.
Oddly enough, the cry of “We did it!” was the downfall of that season and the next. When Derrick White saved the Celtics with his legendary putback in Game 6 against Miami, the Celtics players and I celebrated as if we'd won the Finals. The players had emotional breakdowns after the game, refusing to utter the customary “job ain't done” line; they were in wordless bliss.
That was great, but it was a karmic red flag. The real disaster of the Celtics' 3-0 loss was that it ended their hopes of winning a championship. Taking their eyes off the prize may have allowed them to fight back, but Game 7 showed a stressed-out team that was completely unprepared for anything to go wrong.
To become a champion, you must minimize or eliminate these moral victories altogether. Winning the NBA Finals requires unwavering focus and an almost sociopathic determination. If I was ready to say “We did it!” short of a final victory, it would be a sign that Celtics Nation wasn't ready yet.
Celtic Nation is not an absolute monarchy… (recalling the French Revolutionary metaphor ban) — Celtic Nation is not a monolith. We are a multi-layered organism with synapses firing in every direction. So much comes from so little, and both endless downward spirals and euphoric optimism are inherent in this realm.
But I haven't heard a single person say “I did it!” yet.
(As an aside, lest I purge myself, I refrained from texting “We did it!” to friends and family while the Celtics were in the playoffs… and then, with great sadness, I report that after the Celtics swept the Indiana Pacers, I texted my friend Graham “We really did it!” In my defense, I was referring to the Celtics sweeping the Pacers; I was not celebrating the Celtics' win in the conference finals because I was writing a column predicting such an outcome. Either way, I'm not very proud of it.)
Because we haven't accomplished anything yet. We haven't accomplished anything yet, and this team knows it. There has been no moral victory, no massive release of stress from throughout our bodies. Stress is palpable (cliché #1), it can be cut with a knife (cliché #2), and a rising tide floats all boats (cliché #3, but what does that last one have to do with anything?).
Wow. This series is stressing me out so much that I can't put together a cliché. I've used more French Revolution metaphors than the revolutionaries and I'm starting to think the Restoration was the worst idea ever. I'm a mess and these 10 days off have wreaked havoc on my central nervous system. I'm going to panic if the Celtics don't play basketball. We're all going to panic… (hyperpnea)
(An angel comes down from heaven wearing a Jayson Tatum jersey)
“Take a deep breath. Your fears are the burden of every Celtics fan. No one should have to face the horror of championship anxiety alone. Relax and enjoy this calm before the storm.”
Jayson Tatum Angel, I think you're right. This may be the last time we think about what the future holds for this team for a while, so I'm going to enjoy these last few hours of contemplation and anticipation. Hopefully we all leave tonight's game happy as lambs and don't run away in fear like the hapless aristocrats of Paris during the Mavericks' reign of terror. We did it again.
