If you call or text Dave Hamilton over the next few weeks and don't hear back right away, please be patient. June is Pride Month, and Hamilton's calendar is full of activities.
He plans to watch the Red Sox play the Phillies at Fenway Park on Tuesday night for Pride Night.
The FLAG (Friends, Lesbian, Gay) Flag Football League kickoff event will be held Thursday night at Dick's House of Sports on Boylston Street in Boston's Back Bay.
On Saturday, Hamilton will be marching in Boston's Pride Parade along with other members of the league.
Later that day, they'll be volunteering at the annual Chandler Street Block Party in the South End neighborhood.
But spending just a few minutes talking to Hamilton gives the impression that this is a man whose entire adult life has been about pride in his gay identity – and he attributes it all to football, even though years ago he was forced to walk away from the sport he loves as he prepared to come out.
Hamilton, 58, now a partner and co-head of IT at Boston-based Bain Capital, grew up in Stoughton, about 20 miles south of Boston. By the time he was in middle school, he was sure he was gay. But he did fall in love with football the day he was born, which is why, during his senior year at Southeastern Regional Vocational Technical High School near Easton, “I mustered up enough energy and strength to try out for the football team. I got a spot, played a year, and, oh yeah, it worked out.”
That was in the fall of 1982. In the fall of 1983, during his senior year, the former high school football player made the difficult decision to quit the team because, as he put it, “I just didn't feel comfortable in that environment.”
Hamilton's story is a sadly familiar one: He was never singled out for being gay, never bashed for being gay, never bullied, never outed, and yet he found himself caught up in everyday homophobia, and as any queer person will tell you, it's that everyday homophobia that's truly unsettling.
Dave Hamilton said he wasn't harassed, but that there was “a lot of toxic masculinity in the locker room and derogatory language being thrown around,” which led him to choose not to play his senior season. (Courtesy of Dave Hamilton)
“There was a lot of toxic masculinity in the locker room, a lot of slurs and stuff like that,” Hamilton said. “Even though I was friends with them, I never really felt like I was one of them. I guess I just didn't feel comfortable exposing my true self to them. So after the season ended, I reflected and decided I didn't want to go through that again. I decided not to re-enroll for my senior year.”
Looking back, Hamilton said, “I was a pretty boyish kid. I was a stocky kid. And I had my fair share of friends. But the language that kids use — 'faggot' and 'gay' and all that kind of stuff — was being used throughout the season. And there was talk of kids being effeminate and short and not being independent.”
So he quit his job abruptly. He graduated from high school in 1984, went to Massasoit Community College in Brockton and got an associate's degree, then went into the workforce and joined Bain Capital in 2000.
What about that proverb? It gets betterThis is in the story Really Hamilton got better: In 2003, through a friend of a friend, he was introduced to the FLAG flag football league.
“The first day I went, it was an open clinic,” Hamilton said, “and I thought, wow, there are so many people out there who are gay like me and who feel the same way about sports.
“It's great to see people who've never played a sport before take it upon themselves to do it,” Hamilton said of his involvement with flag football.
“For the first time, I felt completely fulfilled,” he said. “I'm gay and I loved sports, especially football, and for the first time, I was completely myself. Everybody can play. It creates a community through sports. If there's an opening in the league, nobody is turned away. We have a draft. We make sure everyone is on a team. We spread the talent. People teach people how to play. And it's great to see people who've never played a sport before come into their own. Maybe they've never caught a ball before.”
Hamilton has been with the league ever since, being named team captain in his third year and later joining the league's board of directors, serving as assistant commissioner for two years and then commissioner for five years from 2012.
At the national level, Hamilton is in his second season with the league's traveling team, the Boston Hancox, who traveled to San Diego to play in the Gay Bowl, the championship game of the National Gay Flag Football League.
“As a young gay boy, I never thought I'd have the opportunity to play in a national gay sporting event,” Hamilton said. “Now I know there are gay, openly gay people all across the country playing the sport that we all love.”
Community service has been a pillar of Boston's Flag Football League's activities for many years, awarding scholarships to high school students who are committed to making their schools safer and more inclusive for LGBTQ+ people.
In 2017, Boston hosted the Gay Bowl, and Hamilton played a role in making the New England Patriots the first NFL team to provide financial support for the Gay Bowl.
Hamilton poses with Josh and Robert Kraft, whose sponsorship of Gay Bowl XVII in 2017 included the Patriots, then the Red Sox, Celtics and Bruins. (Courtesy of Dave Hamilton)
It started with a chance meeting with Josh Kraft, chairman of the New England Patriots Foundation and son of Patriots owner Robert Kraft.
“We met with both of them and discussed our league and the Gay Bowl and they became the lead sponsor,” Hamilton said.
What started with the Patriots quickly expanded to the Red Sox, Celtics and Bruins, and the team sponsored Gay Bowl XVII. As a child, Hamilton was closeted as a gay man, but now he is out in the open and has become acquainted with people like Robert and Josh Kraft and Steve Pagliuca, managing general partner at Bain Capital and co-owner of the Celtics.
As a result, Hamilton was appointed to the board of directors for the National Gay Flag Football League, where he also serves as director of partnerships.
In 2018, the former high school football player who quit the team because he felt uncomfortable being gay, didn't feel he belonged or saw a place where he could reconcile his sexual orientation with his love of sports was inducted into the National Gay Flag Football League's Hall of Fame.
And now, more than 40 years after he turned in his high school football uniform, Dave Hamilton will wear the FLAG Flag Football League's official teal-colored Pride uniform in Saturday's parade.
(Photo by Dave Hamilton)
