It's big!
I am currently writing a column for the Sunday paper. So by the time you read this, the big snow storm we've all been buzzing about for a month will be in the rearview mirror. And eradicate it! Meanwhile, the Great Solar Eclipse is still one day away, but what can we say about it that hasn't already been said? Surely by now you've realized that the eclipse is about to usher in the Biblical End Times. It should be there. That means you shouldn't put away your shovels, ice scrapers, and generators just yet. Although current forecast models are not yet finalized, End of Days could be almost as bad as last week's storm.
The object in the mirror may be dumber than it looks
And speaking of solar eclipses, Maine State Police actually had to issue warnings advising people to remove their eclipse glasses before driving. It's funny, but you know there's a guy who thinks this particularly dark eyewear is just a free pair of sunglasses. He's like the guy who doesn't take his frozen pizza out of the box before putting it in the oven because the warning on the label isn't clear enough.
Two legs is no good, six legs is good.
So last week, embattled city officials in Lewiston announced they were canceling the city's plan and moving on. Meanwhile, angry mobs are still pointing fingers at other municipal leaders, forcing the city to completely rethink planned changes to its safety inspection system. This is one of the city's most dramatic shake-ups to date, and it's said to have all started with a cockroach found in a local eatery. While every politician vows to make big changes and address problems within local government, that one bug has accomplished all that and more without giving a single campaign speech. That is why I strongly believe that our best choice in leadership is clear: Cockroach 2024. Isn't it time to give the pests a chance?
How to Viking
For those of you who have been tracking my wardrobe changes over the years, over the holidays I bought new Wolverine Carlsbad soft-toe boots to replace the heroic but decaying boots I had been wearing for over a decade. I would like you to pay attention to this. . The old pair will retire in the usual way and you will all be invited to the ceremony. I don't know where I'm going to get a catapult and a flammable boat on short notice, but I'll try.
I'm very excited about the new product (for me)
Toilet stamp! Have you heard about them? These suckers will change your life! Good Lord, but the world is full of wonders!
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